It is sometimes quite obvious that you are encountering a nosey person who is gearing up to ask all sorts of intrusive questions. If you don't want to be friends with someone, being straightforward will get them off your back right away. What are they going to do? x. This will only make him think that you like him. Youd rather be friends than be nothing at all. Literally the other day she tucked her hair behind her ear and then freaked out because a teacher saw her do it. This might be a huge turn-off for him and subsequently, lower his attraction towards you. Sometimes they buy your white lies and move on, none the wiser. But for whatever reason, this girl apparently considers me one of her closest friends. Whatever the reason, you're not open to a closer relationship with them. You'll always send them love and care always but you think you should take space away from them. She makes me miserable and I know I'm being a terrible friend but idk how to distance myself without hurting her feelings. Ending a friendship nicely includes letting that person know that although he isn't the "right" friend for you, he is the "right" friend for someone else. Weeell.. Just be honest about your intentions in that case. Say politely, that you dont really see any possibility to maintain a healthy friendshi If you dont like her back, do not be the guy who treats her badly and disrespects her. I don't even consider her a friend and her presence in my life is draining. She also used to be really mean to me when we lived together, which is why I didn't spend much time with her back then and I never initiated any sort of contact after I moved out. This is why you need to maintain some clear rules with him. That it's easier is only a bonus. Maybe shes trying to clumsily atone for her previous behavior, maybe shes clueless and/or unaware of her effect on you or maybe shes self-centered. Guys are as sensitive to touches as girls are. I tried to see things from her perspective at the start and I do understand how it can feel to be on the outside of conversations and dependent on one person, but I fixed that by maturing and seeking out others. It was 6 metres ahead and took 30 seconds. You really have the potential to wound them if you accidentally deliver the news in a harsh, insulting, or insensitive way. I feel like I'm babysitting, and now she's texting me asking to hang out outside of school. If you want to tell her that you don't think you guys should spend time with each other, just bring those up and say that those issues are even more important to you now than they were then, and that you don't think you both can get your needs met -- she should spend time with her other friends who don't do these things that bother her, and/or who don't have such a great need for [whatever - you can finesse this maybe]. It's nothing personal. But that obviously complicates things with the other friends. ", "Agh, I wish I had more time to hang out with people, but my parents are getting older and starting to need a lot of care, and I have to put that first. Block them everywhere. Additionally, you might want to explain to them why you feel a certain way. and think some of these answers are a little cold-hearted. However, I don't think cold efficiency should be your main consideration when deciding which approach to use. Be polite and courteous to each other. When friend-zoning a guy, its best to give him less importance and maintain a distance. How to politely stop being friends with someone? I'd prefer to leave that time of my life in the past and not stay in touch anymore, but I wish you well.". It's straightforward. 2. For example, picture a male co-worker asking you if you want to go for a bike ride on the weekend. Treat Her Like A Friend Publicly. Pretend to Express that and let it be what it needs to be. Also, tell him how much you want him as a friend. Being around her is physically disgusting too as she never seems to brush her teeth (there's always food and a revolting amount of plaque build up that's visible from like 2 metres away) and whenever she wants to tell me something she leans in close to whisper, pulling down her mask and I can't stop myself from stepping back (it's fine tho because she can't whisper so I still hear her. Press question mark to learn the rest of the keyboard shortcuts. Ah well.". Approach #1: Be direct and politely, respectfully tell them you're not interested in being friends. Join 7,983 readers in helping fund MetaFilter. I might try, "I appreciate your efforts to stay in touch, but honestly, when we were roommates I didn't feel like we got along very well and those aren't happy memories for me. I had a friend like this who said she loved me and I was her world this was at college. Turn off notifications and move on. Recognize what experts call a friendshift by paying careful attention to your feelings when you see photos of your friend on social media or get a call from her/him. Unless you set some boundaries, chances are that he will constantly nag you. If a guy asks his female co-worker to see a concert "as friends", and she tells him she doesn't want to be buddies, he'll probably see it has her turning him down as a potential boyfriend too, and be that much more likely to fly off the handle. People in favor of the Admit You're Not Interested In Being Friends method argue that it's ultimately kinder, like ripping off a Band-Aid. This may be a turn-off for her and she will want to refrain from being with you. Thanks for the advice. The first step for me when I want to distance a friendship (Lets say with an ex I thought I wanted to stay friends with) is making them an email only friend. I just don't connect to her anymore and don't want to be around her as much but she didn't necessarily do anything wrong. Be Nice. Try not to listen to what theyre saying during the interruption. Your friends may feel uncomfortable on your or their behalf. He will withdraw his feelings soon and you can be free. By Barbara Graham. Realize everyone has moments in their lives when their friendship network is shifting. I rarely state my opinion but when I do, everyone Press J to jump to the feed. This avoids the presumption, however likely, that this person is perhaps acting out of a sense of obligation as well. Behave more like his guy friends. That single blow can cause more total emotional pain than the slow drip that accumulates as someone gradually realizes you've been making excuses to avoid setting up plans. I too think MiraK's advice is very wise, and provides better advice than what I said before. Both methods have their simple and tricky parts. There are two main options. Passage 1: Welcome to the Coconut Hotel. The friend sounds difficult - like red flags difficult - but it also sounds like you're not setting boundaries. I feel like I'm babysitting for free when I'm with her and really need to cut her off before I lose my mind. My Average Height with Glowing Skin, Black Hair, and Light Grey Eyes. But that's the thing. I love you, my dear ones! If you are in another relationship, tell your admirer about it. Dont Show Jealousy. Even if you are frustrated or angry with your friend, dont just Never lie to someone or worse, lead them on. I have tried distancing myself from her but she keeps texting. They shrug and think, "Hm, guess they don't want to hang out. Sometimes, however, this approach might be the better route. 4. Know that you havent committed a crime by not accepting her as your partner. Be firm when around him. This might sound rude but this sure to work. When around him, try and be in your comfort clothes. Feel Free To Talk To Other Girls. The polite (I'm assuming by this you mean non-confrontational) way to do this is the slow fade. You've essentially made friends with her and continued to be friends with her to avoid being rude: you hang out together and you're on a group chat, it's obvious why she thinks you're friends - I would think the same. And can you trust them to maintain those boundaries? I feel lost. This will be hard to do but it would be best for you and your friend. Sounds good in theory, but I find in practice it often doesn't work out that way. I accidentally pumped gas while my car was running for Im 17 and 29 weeks pregnant. This will mutually benefit the two of you. By accepting all cookies, you agree to our use of cookies to deliver and maintain our services and site, improve the quality of Reddit, personalize Reddit content and advertising, and measure the effectiveness of advertising. I have slowly discovered that many times I am a much better friend to people than they are to me. I'm having some of these same issue's right now, Instead, go for a handshake or a high five once in a while to show the friendly side of things. You can tell someone what you do appreciate about Unless the breakup was completely mutual, letting a friend go never feels good. When you get the wedding invitation, oops! That way we can catch up once a year like a normal acquaintance or not at all. Dont Reply To All Her Texts Or Calls. ", "Sorry, I don't have any room for new friends these days. Just because you've been invited doesn't mean you have to go. Venting to her about her behaviour and telling her the truth will be a sure fire way to stop her wanting to spend time with you. This is how I pretty much feel about the situation, I have actually left them a long message describing how I felt it and it went pretty well :). This is another area where some people's empathy fails them. I mean, you can ghost her if you want but you can also just put on your big pants and tell her you wish her the best best but your life has changed and the friendship doesn't work for you anymore. By accepting all cookies, you agree to our use of cookies to deliver and maintain our services and site, improve the quality of Reddit, personalize Reddit content and advertising, and measure the effectiveness of advertising. Don't make any moves to suggest an alternative day or activity. Of course, someone can react badly if they realize you've been making excuses ("Arg! Dont be afraid to flirt with other girls In front of her. So those are your two options. Respect Her. You TELL them what you're going to do, because it's not up to them, and they can take or leave it no matter how much they fuss. When a question is particularly personal, give the person a strange look and say, Why do you ask?. Just because you don't worry about someone getting pissy if you don't want to be friends doesn't mean other people don't feel more at risk. Thanks for the advice. I'm one of those people with a small social battery who needs a lot of down time. Learning how to cut off toxic people is an important life skill. You're not obligated to be friends with anyone you don't want to, and it's not a decision you can be debated into switching. Nice isn't the same as interesting or compatible. Reddit and its partners use cookies and similar technologies to provide you with a better experience. And that comparison assumes a direct rejection causes a one-time-only burst of pain. You could bring up what's bothering you directly, ie the lying and the inequality in the friendship. Barbara Graham shines a light into the mist. Even if I talk to others, she'll stand as far from the group as possible and look miserable. How to Cut Off a Friend Without Seeming Rude: 5 Mind Tricks. When I asked if he'd even been there, personally, she got mad and just said he knows where it is because her mother said so. Talk About Other Guys. This will simply be manipulative and you wont be doing the right thing. Whatever, people have different tastes some aren't into the acedemics, that's fine. If you are too available for her, dont do it. Go to a game together or just knuckle bump him when you meet him. Apparently, like this: If someone asks why youre doing something a certain way, simply reply, It works for my family.. Dont Give Unnecessary Indulgence. Be aware, however, that even though you aren't necessarily hurting your friend's feelings or being mean outright, she may not view being blown off as "nice.". ", Boom batta boom. Psychology Today: How to End a Friendship; Alex Lickerman, M.D. This will also tell her that you are sharing things with her as a friend. Using excuses may make them feel a bit deceptive and slippery, but that's preferable to knowingly shooting someone down. I know this is hard, trust me I'm in the exact same situation right now, you'll miss them but you gotta put yourself first and know your worth. He's never been to their house or been friends with them personally. I'm not asking for permission, I'm telling you this is what I need and what I'll be doing moving forward. You wouldn't date every guy who asked you out, and you wouldn't become friends with every person who ever showed a friendly interest in you. If you often feel drained, gloomy, or pessimistic 13. The aim is to act as if Came here to write exactly what MiraK said too. Press question mark to learn the rest of the keyboard shortcuts. For G's sake, tell her the truth. How can people get better and work on themselves if everyone thinks they are so stupid they can't improve for the Relationships are meant to end, and just being blunt is always good. Dont give her false hopes. You are not logged in, either login or create an account to post comments. The hybrid approach is to tell someone straight away that you're not available for a friendship, but instead of rejecting them, you make one big, long-term excuse that covers all your bases. If you organise stuff with your two other friends don't make it about excluding her, just casually drop her from the invites. Yeah I think you're right. You are one of those people to me. She has a Master of Science in applied developmental psychology from the University of Pittsburgh's School of Education. Are you close enough with the other friends that you could talk about the situation with one of them, or would that just cause more drama? Please don't give them much more of your time. You dont have to go through it alone. This small portion of people who are extra-bad at handling rejection help ruin the direct approach for everyone else. Only participate in events where there are lots of other people. I feel like I'm hanging out with a thirteen year old, like I was shocked to find out we were the same age bar a few months because I could've sworn there must have been at least a year or two between us and she was a bit behind her peers. No, I havent told my clients to shut up. All of this is horrible. All posts copyright their original authors. Make Her Believe That She is Almost Like A Sister. Firm ones. It respects people's time, intelligence, and coping skills. Do not be mean, insulting or disrespectful to any other user on this subreddit. in Psychology. And its your life. You're really sure the person trying to befriend you is confident and will be able to handle being turned down. If you dont like her back, try and avoid touching her. Being compassionate will only give him a false hope that you have feelings for them and you care. Set Him Up With Other Women. Have some respect for yourself and her. I didn't have anyone "save" me and give me friends which is what I'll apparently have to do for her since she won't even look at others or do anything on her own. Do Not Flirt With Her. Keep yourself safe first! You deserve someone who will respect your boundaries and your reasons. In general people take romantic rejections way harder than platonic ones. Dont Be Available Always. They try to get you kicked out of the group. Like girls, a lot of manipulative guys like the attention they are getting and in turn lead the girl on. Treat Him As A Friend. On the link below you'll find a training series focused on how to feel at ease socially, even if you tend to overthink today. Have her meet more friends. He will gradually understand the value of friendship. There is a clear route around this which is the slow fade. You politely respond that you don't see yourself being friends with them. Making excuses spares you from the awkwardness of having to reject someone, though it can be a bit stressful and tiresome to have to fib over a longer stretch of time. You have a strong sense they're bad at picking up on hints and/or unaware of social rules (i.e., to stop trying after three unsuccessful invites). She will have more respect for you. Here are some of the ways that you can friendzone someone politely. Just let it go. When a person you dated once or talked to online briefly is texting you, and you dont want them to, you should tell this person exactly how you feel. Dont Take Unnecessary Favours. Consider whether your frien Our lockers are right by each other so I can't pretend to have missed her during lunch, but I just can't bring myself to care about her even though she's really nice and my resentment is only growing - it's all I can think about when I'm with her. It is okay to feel like that and just know that it is normal to not relate to someone even though they did nothing wrong. Friendship gives heartbreaks too. Friendship stays for a lifetime, relationships are not sure to last so long. They've been put on notice. Thank you my dear, I love you with all my heart. This is a place where you can ask for advice on many subjects. How do you get rid of a friend you don't like anymore? I desperately want to cut her off, but idk if there's any nice way of doing it. Assuming they're dying to be close friends with you and outright rejecting them would be a clumsy move. When you grow apart from a friend, typically, there's no need for a big scene or angry discussion. I just started a new job, and between that and my family I don't have any spare time. ", "I've had a busy week and want to have a quiet night in. I want to start this off by saying sorry for the rant, and I feel terrible. You have 100% right and verification to GTFO of this friendship. ", "I've got family stuff I need to go to. You can also talk about how attractive you find a particular guy. Never contact or answer a message from them again. ", If you want to END END your friendship, I would go with a grey-rock lie like "Hey, I am going through some shit right now I don't want to talk to anyone. Absolutely. . Just avoid complicating the situation. I want to catch up once a week, email only. One situation where all this is especially true is if they invite you to a one-on-one activity in front of your other friends. This would usually look like never contacting her first, politely turning down invitations without a counter-suggestion for getting together, being generally distant, skipping at least some if not all of the group events where she'll be in attendance. Hopefully you can simply let them know that less communication isn't a sign of losing a friendship (which they might fear is happening) but it's more a sign of comfort and trust. I note it less stopped all contact with them. Maybe you can quickly choose one. ", "This isn't about you, this is about me. This includes making new friends and -- on occasion -- losing old ones. Especially if all of her unkind behavior towards you is in the past, which it sounds like it is, it just seems unnecessarily cruel to me to tell her you don't like her at this point. except the person is really sweet, i just dont want to have online friends anymore because im scared if my parents find out theyd be mad :(. When in front of him, talk to other guys. Another friend in the group simply told him he no longer wishes to be friends. When around her, talk about your exes. Step Aside. Operation Fade-Into - the-background shall soon commence. Create an account to follow your favorite communities and start taking part in conversations. Man up and talk to her. They realize not everyone they meet will want to be friends with them. It doesn't appear in any feeds, and anyone with a direct link to it will see a message like this one. Reddit and its partners use cookies and similar technologies to provide you with a better experience. You can try to focus on the positives and it might just work out for the two of you. I tell my friends when I dont like what they do. Although you may have found a perfectly nice way to end your friendship, you'll probably feel guilty about ending it. It sounds like a part of you has been wanting for all this time to tell her how you really feel and list off her deficiencies to her. Whether youre studying times tables or applying to college, Classroom has the answers. It's always something that doesn't need to be whispered). Just because you spent your grade school days or high school years with a friend doesn't mean that you will always have a close relationship with her. (I asked him later, and once we figured out who they were he said he knows exactly where they live but I probably shouldn't hang out with them because all of them are very immature like that. I thought this was weird and asked her about it and she says she found my sister on quick add, but that doesn't explain how she even knew who I was, or my sister enough to ask about me. Also, you dont need to feel bad as you need to know that you are not liable to like them back and have your own life too. Talk to him as you would with your other girlfriends. Who will I talk to What's going on? I strongly disagree with the idea of slow fading or abruptly cutting off. Rather than him misinterpreting the She might be taken aback but at least you can keep being friends. Even if they're sure you're lying, they probably won't want to confront you or complain to the others. Girls generally tend to be more sensitive and get emotional. ", Leave the group chat that she is in. When in a social setting treat her like a friend. I refuse to be miserable any longer and she deserves a friend that actually wants to be around her. I think what makes the Use Excuses approach better is that it's likelier to save people from emotional pain. If I don't do it now then it'll only get harder. This is simply pathetic behavior as a guy and you dont want to be the guy who is known to be manipulative within your social circles. - nothing. You too need to know if you like this guy or not. If she texts you about her life, you text back, "Hey, I can't chat rn, take care. They are just trying to make you feel bad and manipulate you into staying friends and doing what they want. She will notice this and although this will hurt her, she will soon realize that this was never meant to be and move on. When friend-zoning a girl, you also need to know that once she has had feelings for you, they might not go away too soon. In all of these really good answers, also evaluate whether or not she is the kind of person who is likely to stalk or harass, there is a LOT of that going on these days. Act mature and be strong! Create an account to follow your favorite communities and start taking part in conversations. You know they'll keep inviting you out unless you explicitly tell them you're not interested. Open antagonism only hurts and upsets feelings, and probably messes with your social group as well. Any advice? It might be very hard at first and you might feel guilty but unfortunately sometimes we have to accept that we will be the villains in some people's lives even if we never meant to be. Dont Be Touchy. Just stomp your ground and be blunt with him about how it is and what you want if the friendship is gonna continue or it will end. If they suspect someone's been making excuses, they know it's riskier to call them out. She calls EVERYTHING embarrassing and blushes when people look at her. Although he might feel hurt, he will soon get over it. But make sure you dont tell too many people, this may end up ruining their reputation. Do not say anything and start becoming unavailable to meet. Stop taking their phone calls and text them a while later that you were busy - avoid ch You can pat her on the back or maybe give them the knuckle bump once in a while. Like I said, I'm in the exact same situation with a best friend of mine of three years. You may change the way he sees you and you two can even become the best of friends. I'm not going to answer by phone for a while, email me if it's something important, but I just don't want to interact with anyone for the time being.". Immediately unfollowing/unfriending will make it pretty clear to all your mutual friends You are not a bad person for wanting to set boundaries or wanting to break it off with them. Do not indulge in him touching you or crossing the line. When around her, you should talk to other girls too. You may feel badly about hurting the other person -- even if it was unintentional -- or worry that the demise of the relationship was completely your fault. Treat Her Like A Guy Friend. They don't get a vote. If someone's been rejected, they have a solid target, who committed a clear insult against them. Since you dont like her romantically, DONT take her to bed or involve yourself in anything sexual with her. I just cut them out and tell them why and dont explain myself in detail. However the more time I spend with her, the more it becomes obvious that we have nothing in common. Take your time and heal and let her heal too. Wait until they stop and restart your point from the beginning. Though again, just because something is easier doesn't mean it's right. Now I need to plan the inevitable. They're going to be angry no matter what). She's my only friend at uni and I don't care about losing her, I'd rather spend all the time by myself. It's just less likely to happen. I can't infect someone by looking at them. Definitely don't initiate any get togethers yourself. Stop taking their phone calls and text them a while later that you When friend-zoning a guy, dont try to be too nice to him. On the whole I think the Excuse Making approach wins out, but here are some times where respectfully being direct may be appropriate: I'm Chris Macleod. This will show him that you are not interested in him and he too will try to withdraw himself from this situation. This approach isn't for everybody or for all circumstances, as some may view this as a less-than-courageous way to end a friendship. Dont Expect Friendship. Making excuses is weak, insincere, condescending, and cowardly. This is a place where you can ask for advice on many subjects. If she doesn't stop, or escalates to confrontation about 'our friendship!' If your friendship is truly fizzling, chances are that he already knows that the two of you aren't a match. Form your own group chat with friends you actually want to talk to. Rather than him misinterpreting the situation, you can take a step back and not let him, harbor false hopes. She's constantly going on about how my dad knows her family and insisted my dad should drop me off at her sisters party (a family get together where I would know no one and she bragged about drinking at, that I didn't end up going too) even though he'd be working, because he would know where their house is. You've met someone new, maybe through work, mutual friends, or a hobby. Imagine you've started a part-time job and a co-worker asks you if you want to grab drinks at the end of the shift. If someone in your social circle tries to start a closer friendship with you, directly rejecting them has the risk of causing awkwardness and bad vibes. She might perceive that casual flirting in the wrong way and you will be misleading her even after knowing about her feelings. You should be empathetic and if you can help her in some way you should. There's no real protocol for cutting off a friendshipwhich can lead to a whole lot of confusion. 3. Don't feel guilty for not reciprocating the same feelings as them because just the fact that you don't want them to be hurt or you feel bad for feeling like this shows that you are a kind person and you value people. Telling someone that theyre only a good friend/ partner/whatever if they do xyz is manipulation, hence why you feel bad. Give him a piece of your mind. Just realize this friendship is not going anywhere and just end it - how she feels isn't your responsibility. ", "I like you, and enjoy chatting and catching up when we all get together, but I think we don't have quite enough in common to be closer friends that hang out one on one. 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